I was emotionally abused in an online relationship for the better part of a year, about five to six years ago, by a man who lured me in, then introduced me to his wife, and also weaponized me against her, as it was definitely “relationship broken, add more people“.
Right now, I’m working through the bit regarding my own horrific actions at the time, and the fact that it was in part because of his influence that I became that person, that I’m still working on changing my internal dialogue of, “I try to be a nice person,” back into to, “I’m a nice person.”
It is, admittedly, hard to do when I had flipflopped back and forth for months, dealt with someone’s passive aggressive behavior in her own role in the shenanigans and the conflicting demands of both of them and his “desire to just have peace in his house”, and expectations that I was to act with a lack of information. I broke many promises during that time. And yes, even the regret that I should have walked away from it much sooner than I did.
I just need to know myself just that little bit better, that I can finally and truly get to where I can say to myself, to others, and believe it, that I am a nice person, and not just trying to be a nice person.