Sanity versus Society

The fight between the religious desire that everyone conform, and the trans desire to live as we need to, continues in several areas. The frightening part is that many people consider that we can change to match society expectations.

As a crossdresser, I will admit that, yes, I can ‘suppress’ my transgender tendencies. But, having examined myself since I started acknowledging this a couple of years ago, I can tell you what that entails:

I was irritable at work, to the point of angry outbursts, which started to subside as I began exploring my feminine side.

I was susceptible to manipulation and emotional abuse in a cyber relationship that started shortly after I began presenting female online.

I was subject to online addiction until I realized how severe my gender problem, despite, I think, not being quite far enough to qualify as TS, actually is.

Now, the way I see it, even if my case isn’t potentially fatal, it’s capable of causing me no end of grief and trauma. On the one hand, I fly in the face of society’s rigid gender structures, and some people automatically find it offensive because they have their own unanswered doubts about the way they’ve been raised. On the other hand, trying to squeeze myself into that tiny little gender box for so long rendered me capable of flying off the handle easily, that I had serious affirmation issues that enabled others to take control of me, and indeed made me very much a social disaster waiting to happen in most senses.

I’d rather have a fighting chance to make my sanity checks than cater to anyone else’s feelings about how the world ought to be.

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About lynnindenver

Lynn is the identity of a tgirl residing in Denver, Colorado, standing member of the local chapter of Tri-Ess, and general social gurl.
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2 Responses to Sanity versus Society

  1. leujin says:

    Society is generally fucked, as I’ve come to … not really accept, but realize. I really do wish that there was a better way of putting it, but no matter how progressive we have come as a society (honestly, I think metrosexuality, ridiculous as it may be, is actually making it less socially unacceptable to be trans), people as a whole are still made overtly uncomfortable by the idea of a man dressing in women’s clothing. It’s frustrating mostly because it’s okay for people to be gay, but it still gives people the willies to think about a person with that level of gender dysphoria.
    I dunno. I think I’m just beating around the bush to get to the point where I say “I agree with you.” Grief and trauma and all that.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Howdy from SL!
    Hey, it’s RalphKramden Putzo from SL… we met in the TG Resource room. Your blog inspired me to write all the stuff that has been inside me waiting to get said for years, so I set up my own blog:
    http://ralphinadress.wordpress.com
    Not much there yet, but it’s a start and now I have a place to vent (and meet others who are looking for answers).

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