I’m not sure if the time’s been flying or what. I’ve been doing this for a decade now.
So, my marriage has been going pretty good. I can thank my abusers for basically kicking me into figuring out what I really needed in a relationship. It definitely made me much more willing to consider what society claimed I should want, versus what Lynn actually wants, with regards to relationships. We’ll be celebrating three years next month, and I’m expecting there’s a lot more after that we’ll be celebrating.
I’m still trying to get out once a week. It’s been a LOT harder this year than year’s past. Besides the political nightmare that is our “democratic” system showing signs of what might actually be terminal failure (and the asshats coming out of the woodwork in response that makes it at least seem like it’s less safe to be myself), plus losing a dear friend to cancer, and having a few others have serious health scares, I’m finding it much more difficult to do my own proper level of “self care” (read: get out of the house in my Comfort Mode), and it’s been making it easier to at that point slide away from my baseline. My dearest is making efforts to ensure I take the necessary time so that I can keep from getting into horrible mental trouble.
Speaking of that mental trouble, it’s even more clear these days that I have a “minimum time” requirement for my Comfort Mode, and it’s most easily satisfied (although not fully) with weekly episodes. Full weekends are best, but even a few hours can at least “keep the edge off”. It’s not that I suffer any discomfort that’s obvious to me in the moment, but I can definitely tell that my mood becomes a lot less agreeable if I don’t get at least timely doses. I’m not quite sure if it means I should transition yet, it’s going to require some definite thinking… and possibly a job change. I pretty much answer to “Lynn” with most of our groups of friends at this point, in both modes, and I don’t think any of them would bat an eye.
Right now, at least I’m (mostly) content with how things are going at home, even if the world around us is threatening to become an inferno.